Questions and hot flashes

Waking up in my baby's arms every morning is one of my dreams come true. Living that part of my dream is amazing. I know that it will all come together. I am on the right path. Although I sometimes get impatient and want things to happen swiftly, I know they will when they are supposed to. In my impatience the questions run through my mind. Questions that I'm not sure I want the answer to. Questions that I believe I already know the answer to but deny those answers. This is not something new to me and maybe ithat's just the way it is. Maybe you are always supposed to question your decisions. I don't know. Maybe if you stop you will be vulnerable. And that vulnerability can be devastating. So you just continue to question to be ready for anything. Shit, I don't know, so I will continue to try and push the questions out of my head as they arise. I need to trust myself.

Think I will change the subject....HOT FLASHES! LOL! Does anyone know anything that I can possibly do to alleviate this nightmare?! They are happening more frequently now and it is really getting ridiculous.

That's all

No Incidents

I have been in California for a month now. I still don't have a job, but thankfully I am getting unemployment. That helps a little. I continue to submit resumes and wait to hear something. Thought about going back to bartending as I have 22 years experience in that. I don't think that would be a good idea though, getting a little old for that.

Michael and I have been together for a year now. I love him very much and am very happy to finally physically be with him. I want the "honeymoon" stage to last forever. But in my experience, that isn't usually the way it goes. When it starts getting comfortable and routines set in, the honeymoon goes away. Does that always have to happen? Can the "honeymoon" last the duration? Maybe that is one of the reasons that relationships don't last. Maybe if both of the people in the relationship would try to make each day as special as they can. It doesn't have to be major monetary things just a small gesture could mean so much. I guess I'm just thinking of things that I could personally do to keep the fires burning, so to speak. Anyway...

There have been no incidents with Tatiana for a week now. Whoo hoo! I have just been going day by day. I don't believe that she hates me like she said, I just think that is a tool for her to use to manipulate her father. Once she sees that it isn't working, she will stop. I've decided not to get too concerned about it. After all, she is 12...hehehe. I have been through these teen years and they aren't fun, but I suppose it is a necessary part of growing up. The question is, will I have any hair left after this one is done?

Confused

I have tried and tried to bond with Michaels daughter, and I thought we were getting along great and developing a bond. But apparently I was mistaken. She has informed her dad on more than one occasion that she hates me. She doesn't want me here. She is going to break us up. She said that she has a bigger plan in mind for me. Ok, I understand that she is going through some adjustments, but we all are. And I also understand that she doesn't like the idea of sharing her father. But to say that she hates me to him and then come up to me out of the blue and hug me and be sweet to my face. I am having a little difficulty in dealing with this. I do not know what to think or how to act or what to do.

There is a lot of background with Tatiana that goes with this, but I am not going to get into that right now. She has some major issues that she needs to work on. I am just needing to vent because otherwise I will be pulling my hair out. It is very hard for me to bite my tongue, but I will continue to be open to her and maybe, just maybe she will see that I am not that bad of a person.